How to be a villager, part 3: bring people with you
The best community-builders I know aren't doing anything mysterious. They're just not going alone. My friend Stephanie back in Seattle taught me this without ever meaning to — simply by asking me, consistently and casually, if I wanted to come along.
Let’s say it was a free salsa dancing class in the park — the kind of thing most people walk past, note with mild curiosity, and promptly forget. Not Stephanie. She'd already signed up, already invited two friends, and was already there, learning the steps with the kind of unself-conscious enthusiasm that makes you want to be in her orbit.
But it wasn't just the new and exciting things. Stephanie never really "made plans" with me in the traditional sense either — she just invited me into whatever she was already doing. Picking up takeout before a hang? I was in the passenger seat. Dropping off extra zucchini on a neighbor's porch? I was along for that too. It took me a while to realize that this wasn't incidental — it was her whole philosophy. Inviting people to live life alongside her was a natural outpouring of who she was.
As an introverted homebody type myself, her invitations were always a helpful push outside my comfort zone. I met new people, tried new foods, experienced new things I never would have otherwise, simply because she asked.
———————
I've been thinking about this a lot as I try to build my own community here in Denver. There's still that very nervous, self-isolating part that wants to do everything alone. But I'm remembering the lesson I learned from Steph — life, even the mundane stuff, is meant to be lived together.
So I've been trying it out. I had a hankering for some delicious chicken tenders, so I asked a buddy along — now we call ourselves "the fry guys" and have regular dinner dates. I had friends over for birthday cake at my place two weeks ago and sent a note to my neighbors to join if they wanted, and one did. When the community pool opens up, I'm going to pick a couple days to go and send an open invite text the day before. Little things with big impact that have made life feel less lonely and more fun.
Not all of these invitations get takers. But often they do. And I'm finding that having the courage to get out of my house and try new things often inspires others to do the same.
So here's your third lesson in being a villager: invite others to live life alongside you. Those shared, everyday, along-for-the-ride moments not only give you more time with the people you love — they expand your world in ways you couldn't have planned.
What's your version? Is there a new opportunity you've wanted to try, or an errand you need to run? Try asking someone along — the memories you cherish most might be waiting inside the ordinary ones.